Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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