How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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