that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
