Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
