I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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