Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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