so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
