when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
