I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
