I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
