Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize