is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
