new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
