Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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