end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
