The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
