There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize