I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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