So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
