Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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