Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize