Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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