Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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