My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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