But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
