4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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