Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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