smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
