I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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