I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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