Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
