cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
