You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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