apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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