He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
