She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
