if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
