Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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