all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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