just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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