farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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