Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
