My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
