fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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