So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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