Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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