question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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