Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
