the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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