Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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