I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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