he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
