Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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