my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize