I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
