$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
