btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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