I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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