Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
