I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
