White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
