My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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