I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
