You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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