Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
