I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
