You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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