can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
