Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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