im six kinds of drunk right now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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