a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize