Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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