Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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