His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
