there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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