We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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